The Call for Good Men

Too many tragedies of fear and weakness.

The failure of modern men

Upon learning more about the recent shooting in Uvalde, Texas, it’s impossible to not reflect on how far we’ve fallen as a people. As a man, the focus will be on men and our role in society. I can’t speak for women and I won’t. I can only focus on the impact I can control.

Men - we must do better.

It’s horrifying to hear of the cowardice and fear-based living by those who are responsible for protecting the innocent and vulnerable in our society. Without going into the details of this tragedy, police officers and several other law enforcement agencies were on the scene, but chose to do nothing and allow this broken and wounded young man to murder innocent children.

Were it not for a few good men, who showed up off duty and actually went into the school and killed the shooter, who knows how bad the carnage would have been.

If this was an isolated event, it wouldn’t be as shocking, but it’s not.

This has happened in several other tragedies with delayed responses. Also, many have ended in suicide by the shooters:

• Littleton, Colorado

• Newtown, Connecticut

• Roseburg, Oregon.

• Las Vegas, Nevada.

• Sutherland Springs, Texas.

• Thousand Oaks, California.

This points to a deeper problem we must face as a people.

There is a larger debate happening around guns and their place in our society but that is not the focus of this post.

As men, we’ve lost sight of what matters and the role we play in society.

We’ve become lazy, overweight, out of shape, weak, fearful, selfish, and obsessed with comforts and material life. This weakness was on full display in Texas.

How did we get here?

Toxic masculinity and the destruction of good men

We no longer have viable role models in our society. The modern ideas of masculinity are built around self-indulgence, ignorance, and pettiness. We’ve been taught that honor, strength, protection, virtue, logic, integrity, truthfulness, and sacrifice are old ideas not worth conserving.

As a culture, we have been feminized and our masculine traits demonized due to historical realities of the abuses of power from men of the past. With the past atrocities, we’ve correlated all of masculinity and strength with these destructive and abusive men. What’s left for men to follow and model is a hollow example of self-centered apathy.

I do not disagree that men throughout history and modern times have abused positions of power. However, this does not mean that all men are bad and that we must shrivel away into nothingness.

The toxicity surrounding masculinity has brought us to where we are today.

I struggled for years with my identity as a man.

It wasn’t until I realized the very parts of myself I was running from, my masculine traits, were why I was so miserable for so long. It was a greater piece to my healing journey.

First, recognizing the inner child and the work to self-parent we must all do regardless of our gender, but from there it was realizing I was missing parts of myself. These parts were the components that make up my masculine identity.

My parents were divorced when I was young and I spent very little time with my dad growing up. It wasn’t until I became an adult and worked on myself that my father and I reconnected. We built a great relationship as adults as we both dedicated ourselves to personal growth. Sadly, he passed away in May of 2021.

However, growing up with a single mother influenced my way of living and how I thought about myself as a man. For the longest time, I had no model to look after to feel good about being a man and who I was. Our culture mostly demonizes men and our mere existence.

I internalized all of this and carried an unhealthy level of self-hatred.

It wasn’t until my early thirties that I began to understand the suppression of my masculine self and the negative consequences it creates in my life. Now that I’m closer to 40 and having seen the positive impact of embracing my masculine self and the balance it brings, I realized how far we’ve fallen as men.

The ideas our society perpetuates and the isolation it’s creating are obvious.

All of these recent shootings and tragedies have been done by young, angry, isolated, and broken teenage boys. Almost all of them are from broken homes and have no father figure.

We are failing the young men of our society.

These young men have no connection to themselves and the deep spiritual roots that give meaning to our existence. They have no idea of the sacredness of masculinity and its place in the balance of the universe. We are all made up of both masculine and feminine traits. It’s the balancing of these two polar energies that enable us to be the highest version of ourselves.

Without a balance within ourselves and the acceptance of our nature, we will continue to slide into a chaotic and hellish world.

Lacking a spiritual connection to ourselves and the world around us allows us to do awful things. Only with the internal disconnection can we commit such atrocities against our one human family.

If we only view the world with a nihilistic and materialistic lens where nothing has meaning, everything is random, and only the strongest survive, are we really that surprised that we’ve become so ruthless and destructive?

The first step in solving any problem is first recognizing we are in trouble.

So, where do we go from here?

The need for honorable men

Our society and infrastructure have failed us. The culture we currently live in is making us weak and depressed. This is obvious.

What’s not obvious, is how the hell do we get out of this mess?

By no means do I have all the answers or solutions for what needs to be done, but I do know what has helped me and the work we can do on ourselves that can help improve our own state.

Taking responsibility for our lives.

When we begin to reclaim our spiritual heritage and who we are at the deepest levels we activate aspects of ourselves unknown to us prior. These hidden parts of ourselves are like hidden treasures waiting to be discovered.

Our Creator has endowed us with skills and abilities to navigate the everchanging and complex world we reside within. A universe constantly expanding. We were not left alone and unprepared for such a world. We have simply been misled about what we are capable of.

As men, there lies within us a sacred and honorable path of existence. We hold a place in the universe with roles to be filled. Just as women have their sacred gifts and abilities, we too have ours. Until we begin to open ourselves to the sacred masculine elements and balance them with our sacred feminine nothing will change.

The good news is, that this is all possible with dedication and commitment to personal growth.

So much of what is considered ‘normal’ is harming us as men and people.

Excessive porn usage, sexual promiscuity, materialistic obsessions, social status pursuits, excessive drug & alcohol abuse, and the fear of our natural being are creating deep dissatisfaction in our lives.

By reflecting on our habits and how we live day by day we begin to see the small but damaging compound effect all of this has on our well-being. Everything I list above I myself have struggled with. I don’t play the holier than thou game.

I hate it.

I believe firmly we must live by our actions and ensure our words align with our existence.

When we begin to reclaim our strength as men and lead by example we begin to influence the world around us in a positive way. We become the examples the young men of our society so desperately need.

The failures of our society to support our youth.

As we’ve seen time and time again, our youth are not being supported in ways that nurture and nourish their souls, and it’s costing us dearly.

We cannot rely upon social structures and politicians to solve these issues. We must take this responsibility on as individuals and communities. By continuing to blame others and placing responsibility outside of ourselves we only perpetuate the pain and weakness this creates.

Placing responsibility elsewhere furthers our need for outrage and anger without action. We only scream louder into the void and solve for nothing. This creates a cycle of passivity. Instead of taking action, we complain and scream about things. It’s one thing to point out issues, but it’s wholly different when this is coupled with solutions.

Right now we only know how to complain and offer no support for those who suffer which leads to these horrific events that are built up over time and result in tragedy. Humans can tolerate inane amounts of suffering, but at some point, we snap.

Seeing the increased number of suicides, depression rates, drug usage, bullying, and life expectancy declining, it’s clear this is a crisis we must address. In order to do that we must redefine what it means to be a man in our world.

These young men need us more than ever.

Redefining masculinity.

With no healthy role models to follow for young men, where do we turn?

Seeing the way men are portrayed in our culture is clearly built around these toxic traits listed above. This must change. By remembering the ideals of the past and applying them to the modern world we can work to rebuild the images of men and the positive place we have in society.

We all have roles to play in our society.

As I mentioned above, I’m focusing on men because it’s who I am and I know the struggle I faced growing up, so I wish to tackle this head-on, but there is much more that must be done beyond simply focusing on men.

However, reclaiming our spiritual heritage and the positive traits of masculinity can help to transform the world we now see.

There are many questions redefinition brings about.

• What does it mean to be an honorable man?

• How can we remove the toxic elements of our life to find strength?

• What does healthy masculinity look like?

• What are the traits of an honorable man?

• What can we learn from the past?

• What do sacrifice and difficulty mean for men?

• What does fatherhood mean today?

• How does broken family life influence young men and women?

These questions can help jump-start this journey of self-discovery to reclaim our masculine heritage. Without a guiding star for our being, we will continue to create dysfunction and pain in the world.

With these questions in mind, let’s consider alternatives to many of the norms we see in our society today.

Ideas for living an honorable life

With modern life has come the idea that nothing of the past is worth conserving. Often the treatment is as if all things of the past are backward and broken. This is simply not true. There is much to learn from our past and what can be applied in the modern world.

The value of marriage and family life

So much of our culture is built around sexual freedom and the desire to do whatever we please without any consequences. We’ve adopted childish ideas about what we can do with our lives and the desire to have no negative consequences come from our own actions.

When you layer in porn usage, social media, dating apps, and party culture you get a very dangerous blend of hedonism that enables us to live distracted and unfulfilled lives.

This is not some puritan outcry.

These actions and lifestyle choices have genuine consequences on our well-being that impact us in this world today. Not some promise of eternal hellfire, but of the hell we create for ourselves when we deny our deeper needs and seek to fulfill all of our material impulses.

I know because I’ve been there and was awfully miserable.

The lack of value around marriage and family life is a prime example.

We’ve been misled to believe having a family and getting married is some old way of living that only prudes pursue. When marriage is done with intention and commitment it’s by far the most powerful institution our world has to offer.

In its highest form, two people are loved and supported by one another to bring about the best in each other. The marriage becomes a 3rd entity created by the combination of the two spouses in the relationship. The 3rd entity is what can sustain and nurture us through tough times and provide great joy during the good times.

In order for a marriage to work, we must be willing to look in the mirror and do the work required to succeed with our partners.

The hard work required is why most people avoid getting married or their marriages fail. Marriage requires a tremendous effort of self-improvement for it to work because both parties are responsible for this growth. Now, there are exceptions and some marriages truly become toxic and abusive.

But much of what we see today is simply people living small and self-centered. If we only consider ourselves, then no marriage can truly work.

Marriage has been unfailry blamed for many of our own failings. Blaming the oldest instutituion in human history is kind of silly when you realize how little we take respsosbility for.

Reconsidering marriage and family life would be one way to combat the imbalance in our current culture. I see family and marriage as the foundation. But that all starts with us and we must first renew the relationship with ourselves. Begin courting ourselves at deeper levels.

Do hard things.

Another portion of this work is getting out of our comfort zones. We have so many modern amenities that have enabled us to do less mundane things and live more efficiently. Overall, this has been fantastic as it improved the standard of living for so many in the world today.

However, there is a consequence to this. We become lazy and weak when all we do is take the path of least resistance.

As men, pushing ourselves and the limits of our being seems to be a crucial aspect of our design that leads to fulfillment. We are natural risk takers and seek to push the boundaries on what’s possible. This does not mean that women do not do this, my focus is simply on men.

When we challenge ourselves to grow we are forced to learn. We have to engage in activities that require thought and action. This process can bring about a lot of fulfillment.

Realizing solving problems and seeing things through to completion, even the simplest of things, can be such a great experience and bring about much fulfillment.

We live in a world that values instant gratification and no delayed gratification. Often the most enjoyable things in our lives are also the most difficult. Working hard and pushing forward is what makes