Podcast Transcript | Ep. 55

Navigating Projection

Navigating Projection in a World of Deception and Lies | Ep. 55

[00:00:00] Hello and welcome to Order Within Navigating a world of endless chaos and crisis, many of us are experiencing inner turmoil, insecurity, anxiety, fears, and isolation. These feelings are only being amplified by news cycles. Social media and never ending political madness. How do we find our way out of the chaos?

[00:00:24] How do we find strength within ourselves? How do we find meaning in a world driven by materialism? These questions and many more I aim to answer on the show. My goal is to be a trusted guide on your journey to selfhood. May you find what you seek.

[00:00:45] Hello. And welcome everyone. I'm your host. Brandon Ward. Back with another episode of order within. Episode number 55.

[00:00:58] Today, we're going to be covering. [00:01:00] Projection. Navigating and projection. In a world of deception in lies. Projection is something that I've always been. Fascinated by.

[00:01:14] And it's. You see it everywhere as I've learned about it you see how it can impact each of us. It's very common in today's world, especially with social media and the internet, and just the transparency that we have now into. Everyone's lives. This is the most connected we've probably ever been at least in recorded civilization.

[00:01:38] So the access to information and how we live is just very. Transparent in a lot of ways. This creates. The potential for projection. And the way. I'm looking at projection as it's defined is a psychological defense mechanism where people. [00:02:00] Unconsciously attribute their own feelings, thoughts, or traits to others.

[00:02:06] The idea for the episode today is to help you understand. Identify and avoid protection within your own life. Interacting with others. So we're going to look at understanding what it is. Why does it happen? We're going to be spotting projection signs and red flags. We look at the impact of projection on relationships and personal growth.

[00:02:28] We're going to be overcoming projection with strategies for self-awareness and growth. And then we're going to look at how to deal with projection from others. And then we're going to wrap the episode. And I'm going to do my best to keep my, the Layton link that 30 minutes or less. I realized I've been getting a little bit longer than I would like for some of the episodes.

[00:02:47] So let's see what we can do here. All right, let's go and jump in. So understanding projection, what is it and why does it happen? So projection is when we have our own [00:03:00] internal feelings. Thoughts. Emotions. And instead of observing them and dealing with them and acknowledging them. We are denying their existence, ignoring their existence.

[00:03:14] And projecting them out into the world. We're seeing them everywhere outside of ourselves. The world is a mirror to us in many ways.

[00:03:24] And so if we're encountering something often or if we're coming up against something that upsets us or makes us feel certain ways and it's happening frequently. That could be something that's happening within us. And that's a signal to look at. So an example could be a person who's insecure about their own intelligence, accusing others of being unintelligent.

[00:03:47] So it's their own insecurity about their intelligence. And they're seeing. Unintelligent people everywhere. And the fear of that that's really their own fear, their own insecurity. So [00:04:00] bringing it up and accusing of. Others have that. Is a way to project our own fear of intelligence. Another example could be.

[00:04:09] People that are homophobic. Oftentimes when people are abusive or aggressive towards. Gay individuals. They may be harboring feelings of being gay within. They could perhaps be stuffing down their own sexuality. These examples happen. There's things like this that happen all the time. Eh, it could be racism. It can be.

[00:04:37] Honestly, it can be a lot of things guys. That's the point? It is, you see this stuff everywhere and it's based on our own internal world. And the reasons that people do this. Is because projection allows us in many ways to avoid psychological responsibility. It allows us to avoid. Looking at those feelings, it allows us to avoid taking [00:05:00] responsibility for our own feelings.

[00:05:02] It's often as self preservation. Mechanism. So it's a way to preserve the self to protect us from feeling. Psychological harm or pain because we're. We're not engaging with our own internal struggle, our own internal feelings, whatever that may be. If we feel insecure, we're not looking at those reasons that could be contributing to our insecurity instead. We're just projecting that out of the world.

[00:05:29] As a means to preserve. And protect our fragile. Ego. And the interesting thing is people that say they have big egos, or they say that person has a big ego. It's often that they have a very fragile and sensitive ego and the overcompensation is related to their own internal struggles. And that's the final point. There is it's a lot of this also stems from unresolved personal issues.

[00:05:56] And when we don't take the time to honor and nurture ourselves, this [00:06:00] can happen a lot. And when you. The interesting thing is when you watch the news now. And when you see how aggressive some of these news anchors can be on all the major networks, all of them. I've said this many times on my show, I'm politically homeless. I don't belong to any parties, so you can see it though.

[00:06:19] When they get very aggressive. They're talking about specific issues. And the bigotry or whatever it is. And a lot of times that. Anger that aggression could be a projection of someone's own unresolved, personal issues, their own relationship to those things. So that's why we have to be mindful of projection is.

[00:06:41] Is understanding that. This could simply be. Someone's own stuff that they may be accusing you of. So it's always self-awareness for us, helps us in the world because we can challenge what people may say to us or throw at us. Based on what we know about ourselves. So [00:07:00] connecting from within gives us strength from that perspective.

[00:07:03] And then that allows us to be aware of when people may be dishonest or again, projecting. Their own. Inner world. So that leads us into spotting projection. And looking at signs and red flags. So there's, I'm going to offer three tips that you could potentially identify projection. One of those things is going to be.

[00:07:25] Inconsistencies in behavior. When people are inconsistent in their behavior, when they're inconsistent in their character.

[00:07:34] Those could be signs of projection. So if someone is a certain way there, there may be feeling good for a moment. They may be feeling a good for a moment and then something comes up and then they instantly change into a very different emotion. And they're maybe take more of a defensive posture or they get more aggressive. Those inconsistencies in behavior could be indicators of projection that they may be throwing that stuff [00:08:00] on.

[00:08:00] You. So if you're talking to someone. And you bring something up. And that upsets them and then they start attacking you. Or they go from zero to a hundred very quickly. Those inconsistencies could be red flags that there's projection involved, that they're dealing that you're engaging with. Someone's own.

[00:08:20] Drama or issues or whatever it is. This used to happen a lot when I was young. When I, with my parents and how things would come up, if I were to bring something up. I would then get attacked. And scorned. 'cause I was holding a mirror up, but as a child, you don't know that. Right? So as adults.

[00:08:42] We can learn these things. We can recognize them. And we can move forward. The next side. And in terms of inconsistencies in behavior is extreme reaction. So they tie together extreme reactions are often assigned. So if someone goes from zero to a hundred very quick, when you're engaging with them, that [00:09:00] could be a signal that you're engaging with projection or dealing with some internal issue that, that person's not dealt with.

[00:09:07] And then the last one is going to be a lack of self-awareness. Self-awareness as a superpower, I'm convinced of that. Everything starts with awareness. If we're going to, if we're going to change anything, you have to recognize the problem itself. You have to be aware of it so you can make the change. That's the difference.

[00:09:26] So when someone has a lack of self-awareness, there's a high probability that you're going to be dealing with some projection in there. You're going to be dealing with some issues that a person is not aware of. And they're throwing it on the world and people around them. So it creates a lot of tension. It can create a lot of tension. So when you're engaging with people, inconsistency them behavior, extreme reactions and lack of self-awareness can be signals and signs.

[00:09:53] For projection that you may be dealing with projection. This is why emotional intelligence and [00:10:00] self-awareness is so key because it allows us to avoid these things. When we can be honest with ourselves. When we can engage within ourselves with these challenges, the feelings that we may have, the fears, the insecurities.

[00:10:11] We're going to reduce the chance that we're going to be projecting. We're also going to give ourselves a chance to actually heal and move forward. And that is the big thing. Is the self-awareness piece allows us to overcome this stuff. And heal from within. And become more whole human beings. Because ultimately none of us are broken. We just have wounds. We have misunderstandings, we have confusions.

[00:10:36] And these things live in our mind and our minds, especially when we're young, they carry these stories and they attach these emotional stories to things that happen. But awareness allows us to tune into that, understand what it is and release it. And start offering more compassion to ourselves.

[00:10:54] It's a very powerful process. It doesn't happen overnight. But it's a muscle. And it starts with [00:11:00] awareness and developing emotional intelligence so we can move forward and understand our feelings from within.

[00:11:06] The next section here is the impact of projection on relationships and personal growth.

[00:11:12] So projection can damage relationships, shocker. So a six. Like in this kind of stuff happens a lot. You. A specific example would be a romantic partner, projecting their insecurities on their partner causing conflict. So if they are insecure and they do not have confidence in themselves and they're with their partner, they may constantly.

[00:11:35] Be in need of affirmation. Do you like me? Do you still care about me? Do you like me? Do you still care about me? Do you want to be with me? Are you with me? Do you care? Are you, do you still like me? Like over time. That can wear down a relationship because it feels like.

[00:11:51] You're not being. Connected with you're not being trusted. You're not being heard. And you're always [00:12:00] battling this person's insecurities. That can be exhausting over time. So being mindful of that. In terms of our relationships. Another example is if this happens a lot, is cheating spouses or partners. They're projecting their fears.

[00:12:15] There. Accusing the other of cheating of being with another person, because they're the one that's being dishonest. They're the one that's cheating. That's not being truthful in their relationship. These types of things can happen. A lot. In relationships. So we have to be mindful of that because ultimately if we don't manage our own internal world, if we don't deal with those things, then we're throwing it on our partner.

[00:12:42] And that means our partner is now responsible for not just themselves. But your things too. Because we're only responsible for our own inner worlds. We can help and support one another. We can be there when we go through tough times, we can navigate these things together. We can love our partners. We can help work [00:13:00] through them with these things.

[00:13:02] But it become, it's all built around their own awareness and their ability to engage with those issues. But when we don't. When we just let fear drive the relationship. It can break. Relationships down. And what it does, is it. It prevents us from addressing our own issues and taking responsibility for our actions. When we project onto others like this.

[00:13:29] So it creates tension and problems in our relationships unnecessarily. Which can ruin good things. And a lot of good relationships can get ruined when we're not aware and willing to do the work. And being responsible for our actions. It's easy to blame others for how we feel and not take responsibility for how we're feeling. And that happens a lot in relationships. Oh, you made me this.

[00:13:55] You made me that. Now. People can be mean and abusive. That's not what [00:14:00] I'm saying. If someone's being. Abusive or inappropriate, or then you have to set boundaries, right? But we can easily scapegoat our responsibility and put it on the other person. To say that you did this, you did that. You made me this way. You made me sad.

[00:14:18] Et cetera. So being mindful of how we're engaging with our partner, if we're. If we're really coming at them. Hard. And we should look at ourselves, and. To be truthful. My wife and I we've, we have had tough conversations in our relationship and sometimes it's based on how one of us is feeling. One of us may be in a very tough spot.

[00:14:38] And we're trying to work through something. And that makes us sensitive to the other. And sometimes we may have a negative response to our partner, to each other because we're going through our own things. The key is seeing it, recognizing it coming back and talking about it.

[00:14:56] Because ultimately, if you can heal, if you can be honest about it, if you can [00:15:00] recognize, you know what, that was my mistake, I'm just upset. I'm having a really bad day, had a tough day at work. And it's not, you. I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I reacted that way. Let's talk through it. This is why I'm feeling that way. I'm actually concerned or I'm afraid or whatever it may be.

[00:15:16] So being mindful of how we engage with our partners can really help. Neutralize these situations and honestly learn and grow and move forward, which is incredible. You can make a lot of progress. When you do this too, but it takes vulnerability. And that's something I've been working on. My wife has been helping me a ton with that and really engaging in that vulnerable.

[00:15:37] Energy. Because vulnerability is a strength. That's what I've come to realize. Y'all I did my last episode on it. Vulnerability truly is a strength.

[00:15:45] All right. So let's look at overcoming projection now, strategies for self-awareness and growth.

[00:15:51] So three tips for managing and overcoming projection. As we've discussed, practicing self reflection. [00:16:00] So that can be in journaling that can be in meditation. That can be in openly talking to yourself. That could be in recording voice messages and playing them back. The key is finding whatever practice works for you.

[00:16:13] I'm a big journaler. So I journal a lot I write a lot. I meditate. I pray brang is a ton. Ton of it helps me a ton. Asking for guidance and direction. But practicing self reflection, looking at our world within us, looking at our mind, the feelings that we have and being present with them. Can help neutralize a lot of these feelings that we have and help.

[00:16:39] Heal the trauma that we may have experienced in our lives. Self-reflection truly is a superpower. Y'all like it's a game changer. And it separates us in a world. Driven by materialism and presentation and the fake it until you make it. Those [00:17:00] things are, can become toxic very quickly. If we're not honest and open about where we are and who we are.

[00:17:06] And what we need.

[00:17:09] Self-reflection allows us to uncover these things in neutralize them awareness is crazy. It's wild. The power that simply observing can have.

[00:17:20] Like I'm in a, I'm in a program right now, positive intelligence program with some other coaches I'm learning some techniques. And it's wild. How, like we're going through a lot of the exercises as simply becoming aware of our mind and how certain things happen. So our judgmental aspects there's. The what they call the saboteurs. So there's all these different.

[00:17:42] Uh, controllers, stickler, victim, all this stuff. And the judge and our saboteurs support one another in our minds and they undermine. Our progress to undermine our growth, but what ends up happening by simply observing is you can label it and neutralize it. And [00:18:00] just that fact really takes the.

[00:18:03] Oomph out of things. That's what self-reflection can do for us. Another way is getting some help, getting some support. Whether it's through coaching or therapy. But some of these things that we're dealing with are really tough to do on our own. So having someone that can help us walk through these tough terrains navigate these tough cranes can go a long way. Having some support when we're dealing with heavy emotional situations.

[00:18:29] Having some support when we're dealing with tough situations in our life. So professional help is. And another way to to get, to make some progress. You can get support from friends and family, but the upside of the professional help path is that you're most likely going to find someone you want to find someone, ideally.

[00:18:47] That can give you some frameworks and strategies to move through these things and can help guide you. So you don't get lost in the fray because it's, you can get overwhelmed if you're getting into some deep trauma or things that [00:19:00] you've dealt with. So having some professional help can be. A very powerful way to make progress within our lives.

[00:19:07] And then finally engaging in mindfulness exercises. Being present, being aware. A lot of the PQ reps in this program is all about mindfulness. It's all about being present in the moment, being aware in the moment. And looking at what's happening. So it's just, again, observing and looking at where we are.

[00:19:28] And then being present in the moment. So if I'm going to engage in a mindful exercise, I may, if I'm walking or if I'm having a stressful situation, I can take a moment to just tune into my breath. Or I can take a moment and just rub the two fingers, the two tips of my fingers together in a way that allows me to fill the ridges, the nuance of the finger, and just focus on that. It doesn't even have to be your hand. It can be something on the ground or on your table, but the idea is that you're pouring your energy into one thing.

[00:19:56] You're focusing on one energy. On one point [00:20:00] of focus. And it can ground. It can ground us. It can bring us back to the moment. And help us get out of a lot of the crazy emotions or the negativity come back to the moment. And bring a sense of calm and peace so that we can move forward with clarity.

[00:20:16] There's by doing this.

[00:20:20] So I, I used to be insanely insecure and when I was dating people, I'd always think that they didn't want to be with me. They didn't, they wouldn't, they were going to leave me there. They don't like me. They don't want to be with me. They don't think I'm a cool person, all this stuff, but that was me.

[00:20:39] That was my own feelings. A lot of times I was dating people and that was not how they felt actually really liked me a lot. But I was insecure and I couldn't see it. I couldn't get over myself. And that's the crux of this is no matter how much someone loves us or cares about us or thinks about us or views us in a positive light. If we don't feel that.

[00:20:57] It won't matter.

[00:20:59] [00:21:00] Honestly, Hollywood is a prime example. If you think about some of those celebrities that have passed away early, Marilyn Monroe comes to mind. She's a brilliant actress. I she's just something I she's one of those people that have never seen a presence. Mike that on film. But she was also deeply insecure and had a lot of trauma.

[00:21:18] And so it's like they go around wanting to be loved by everyone because they don't love themselves. And that's the key is it doesn't matter. The world can love you. And if you don't love yourself, it won't matter. It won't heal that drama. By overcoming our projection by looking at the feelings that we have by engaging within it gives us a chance to grow and overcome.

[00:21:40] Those challenges in, in, and become the people that we truly desire to be and become the full version of ourselves. The highest version of our expression.

[00:21:49] All right, the last section here, and then we're gonna wrap the episode. How to deal with projection from others. Now, this is a big thing because I think we all have to learn to deal with [00:22:00] this. So here's three guidance tips that we can leverage. One is setting boundaries. Now this is something that's tough for me to.

[00:22:07] I'm getting better at it. It's funny because my wife and I were just talking about it. It's in my personal life. I have no problem doing that. But in my career, I've had challenges, setting boundaries in my professional career, communicating my honesty, communicating when I need. Communicating challenges that I may see.

[00:22:26] Because of that it's led to problems it's led to jobs or situations that drug out that we're not a good fit because I wasn't setting boundaries. So setting boundaries is a key way to say, Hey. This is what I was acceptable to me. Anything beyond that is not. And if we go beyond that, then we have problems.

[00:22:45] That's boundaries are how we honor ourselves boundaries are how we protect ourselves. The way I was able to overcome a lot of this as recognizing that there was a child within me, even before I had a child. Because that child needs to be nurtured. That [00:23:00] child needs to be protected, cared for boundaries, need to be placed.

[00:23:04] If we have a kid, if we have a child in the real world, we wouldn't let someone abused them or talk to them in a certain way or hurt them. We would set boundaries and we would protect them because that's our duty. And we love them. We have to do the same thing with ourselves. We have to set boundaries and be clear about what we're feeling and what we need. And when people encroach on that,

[00:23:27] We have to communicate it. And if they don't listen, then we have to leave. We have to exit the situation because that's a toxic scenario. All we can do in situations is set our boundaries and communicate what we need. And then we have to allow the person to honor that or not. If they don't honor that, then we have to let go. And if we're not letting go.

[00:23:48] Even though we're setting boundaries. Then we're stuck in a toxic situation and probably are dealing with internal stuff that's worth related. That's not allowing us to free ourselves from bad situations. [00:24:00] So boundaries are key.

[00:24:02] Another one is going to be calmly addressing the issue. Now this can be hard sometimes, right? When people are upset, they're angry, they're in their feelings. They're extremely, they're. Exhibiting extreme emotions. There's all this inconsistency in their behaviors. So how do you navigate.

[00:24:19] Those issues. It's important to recognize that when people are like that, that's why awareness is so key. When we see this behavior, it's not us, right? It's not us. We often internalize and personalize these things, but when someone's behaving that way, we have to realize whoa, wait. This is their stuff. This is a big reaction for something like we're having a small discussion and this is a big reaction.

[00:24:42] So I'm going to do my best to stay calm. I'm not going to drop into this insanity or this chaos. I'm going to calmly address the issue. I'm going to be present. I'm going to communicate with you. What's happening. I'm going to step away. If we can't. That's another thing. If you can't calmly address [00:25:00] the issue, the best thing is to do is to walk away, to step away.

[00:25:03] Because when we get in our feelings, when we get in all those things, when we get it's just often not going to be a good thing.

[00:25:10] And then finally seeking support from trusted individuals. If you're dealing with that, if you're having a situation where you have someone in your life, that's projecting a lot of these things and getting some bore from a trusted individual to talk through what's happening to work on what's happening.

[00:25:26] It's key to have support in our lives to help clarify things. Sometimes people can communicate with us. Sometimes we may be incorrect. But a trusted individual can help us navigate that because they'll have more clarity in the situation and they can bring. More of a objective perspective because they're not directly involved.

[00:25:44] So having people in our lives in our corner is a huge, huge value add, right? Obviously it's been official to have trusted individuals in our lives. So work on building your tribe, even if it's very small. It doesn't have to be a massive tribe, just a few great people that [00:26:00] you can trust and rely on.

[00:26:01] Can really go a long way in life. I'm fortunate enough to have a few good friends that I've had. For the majority of my life. And they've always been there for me out of had the, they act as advisers when needed. And sometimes, they don't always have the, what I need to hear necessarily, but they're always honest with me.

[00:26:20] Or maybe you not what I want to hear, I should say. Cause they're always honest with me. And that's the key is having people that will be honest with you. So you can grow regardless of what it may mean. Sometimes that's hard. So having those trusted individuals in your corner can be a huge help. And another way, like I was saying earlier, a way to stay calm in the issue in the moment is doing some PQ reps being mindful in that moment, being mindful of your breath.

[00:26:45] Rubbing your fingers lightly together. Tuning into your toes or your feet. It's a way to just.

[00:26:54] Take in the moment I'm present. I'm going to be present here. I'm calm. I'm going to just address this issue. And [00:27:00] if it's not working, I'm going to walk away. And that happens a lot in life work, professional or personal life relationships. All of it.

[00:27:09] Because the key is gang. Doing our best to not take these projections personally and maintaining a sense of self worth. That's why if somebody gets upset and they start projecting at you, they start projecting anger and hatred and bitterness. Remember when you know yourself. You know that those things are not true unless they are. That's why self-awareness is key, but most likely they're not.

[00:27:33] Most likely if someone's projecting their own stuff on you, it's not true. But that's where knowing and having a sense of self-worth is key. 'cause it's like, you know what? No. I was in a terrible relationship in San Diego many, many years ago. And I was just beginning the work. Of doing the inner bonding and the girl that I was with was telling me how much of a terrible person I am. No one likes me. No one wants [00:28:00] to be around me.

[00:28:01] Um, awful. She was being really mean. But I was so thankful that I'd been doing this work because I was like, you know what? No. No. That's not true, actually. And I have a lot of people in my life that would disagree with that. I don't agree with that. I've been connecting with myself. And what you're saying is not true.

[00:28:21] And I'm sorry that you feel that way, but this is obviously not working. But it was the anchoring in my own sense of worth my self worth. That was then enabled. It enabled me to navigate that situation. And that's the power that we hold when we do this work. Is when we come to know ourselves, when we connect with ourselves.

[00:28:40] We hold a sense of power that frees us from what others may throw at us lobbed at us, because we're secure from within. That's a superpower y'all, especially in a world. That's hell. Bent on making us all. Liv this social self and be outside of our. Like [00:29:00] that. The negates, the internal, spiritual self.

[00:29:04] Connecting with that. Is a superpower.

[00:29:08] All right. Yeah. That's that's all we got for today's episode. So just remember it's the M the importance is to recognize projection and understanding its impact. It can have on our relationships and personal growth, but awareness is key. Awareness is key. And working on ourselves allows us to hold strong in situations like this. So the more self-worth the more healing we can do, the more strength we find within ourselves.

[00:29:34] The more we can navigate and spot. Projection and handle it in a world like that. We live because it's wild man. And it just seems to get crazier and crazier. So these skills are crucial for success and fulfillment in today's world. So self-awareness. Observing and connecting with ourselves to develop healthy and strong self-worth is the key to all this.

[00:29:58] So I know y'all got this. This is how [00:30:00] we live. Those. Healthier authentic lives, full lives. That's what it's about. So anyway, y'all with that being said, I'm going to wrap the episode. Y'all can catch me on Twitter at Brandon Lee ward. I'm on LinkedIn, Brandon L. Ward, and my websites, Brandon, the ward. I sure do appreciate y'all's time. And until next time

[00:30:20] Thank you for listening to Order Within. If you found the episode helpful, please consider sharing, rating and subscribing. New episodes will be released every Thursday at 11:00 AM Eastern Standard time. Until next time y'all.