Podcast Transcript | Ep. 56

Uncovering the Lies We Tell Ourselves

Uncovering the Lies We Tell Ourselves | Ep 56

[00:00:00] Hello and welcome to Order Within Navigating a world of endless chaos and crisis, many of us are experiencing inner turmoil, insecurity, anxiety, fears, and isolation. These feelings are only being amplified by news cycles. Social media and never ending political madness. How do we find our way out of the chaos?

[00:00:24] How do we find strength within ourselves? How do we find meaning in a world driven by materialism? These questions and many more I aim to answer on the show. My goal is to be a trusted guide on your journey to selfhood. May you find what you seek.

[00:00:43] Hello and welcome everyone. I'm your host, Brandon Ward back with another episode of order within. Episode number 56.

[00:00:56] I just hit the year mark to y'all. I'm super excited about that. It's [00:01:00] officially been a year that I've been publishing this podcast. I thoroughly enjoy the process. I really love the content. I hope that you feel the same. I would love some feedback or thoughts. If you have any suggestions for those listeners out there.

[00:01:16] But anyway, I hope you're enjoying it and I sure do appreciate your support.

[00:01:21] But let's get into today's episode. We're going to be covering. We're actually going to be uncovering the lies we tell ourselves. This is a tough topic. It can, it's something that we all struggle with and ways we all have to manage self deception. And being honest with ourselves about who we are and where we are and how we feel about things and the relationship we have with ourselves and the relationship that we have with others.

[00:01:51] Uncovering those lies and the deception that we may be applying in our life is a great way to help unleash our potential. [00:02:00] And find more fulfillment and purpose in our lives. So we're going to talk about today. A few of the common lies. That we often tell ourselves. We're going to look at. How to identify them. We're going to look at the impact of self-deception.

[00:02:15] On our growth. And ourselves on our lives. We're going to look at recognizing the lies. We tell ourselves we're going to overcome those lies. We tell ourselves, and then we're going to wrap the episode.

[00:02:27] So first and foremost, y'all, let's uncover some of these common lies that we tell ourselves. So I want to look at four common lies. We often tell ourselves the first one is going to be. I'm not good enough. That's usually related to self-worth capabilities or our parents.

[00:02:46] Another lie that we often tell ourselves is I don't have time. It's an excuse to avoid commitments or personal growth. It's a way to push things out that are important that could make an impact in our lives. Another one [00:03:00] is it's too late for me to change.

[00:03:04] So that's related to career relationships or habits. And the final one is it's too dangerous in the world. This is related to past traumas and letting fear run our lives.

[00:03:16] And so I've actually got a couple of examples from film, which I like to share, because I feel like now movies can sometimes simplify things, but they do a good job of. Expressing these ideas. So I'm going to talk a little bit about these examples and then I'm going to move on to the next sec. Section and work through how we can.

[00:03:36] Work on some of this stuff. So the first example. I'm not good enough.

[00:03:42] The character Nina Sayers from black Swan. Nina. Was a professional ballet dancer constantly tells herself I'm not good enough. Despite being a highly skilled dancer, her intense pressure and expectations lead to mental health issues. And ultimately [00:04:00] she ends up losing her life. I believe in the movie because of the exhaustion and torture that she puts herself through by not meeting these standards. It's a very.

[00:04:09] Intense film. It's very. Visual, if you haven't seen it in our recommended, but this is an example of that. I'm not good enough taken to an extreme. She can be used as an example to look at. The impact that negative self-talk can have. And that lie that we tell ourselves and how important it is to have self compassion and positive self-talk. She didn't have any of that. And it led to a lot of issues which ultimately ends up.

[00:04:37] Leading to her to smart demise.

[00:04:41] Another example related to the, I don't have time. Is Peter Gibbons from office space. Great film by the way. Peter is an excellent example of someone who often says, I don't have time stuck in a monotonous job. He feels like he's always busy, but never truly productive or satisfied. As [00:05:00] the movie progresses, he starts to challenge this lie and reshapes his life according to his real desires. And that's really where the movie gets good because he carries on this.

[00:05:09] Really, I don't care attitude anymore. And he starts doing things and speaking his truth in a way that he never has before and things in his life starts to change. He starts to meet someone that he's connected to in a relationship, his job. And the work that he has changes and is his status at work improves?

[00:05:27] So when we start to challenge these lies, There can be direct impacts on our lives and improvement in the way we live and how we live.

[00:05:35] Another one is going to be it's too late for me to change. So an example here is Lester Burnham from American beauty. Lester is a prime example of someone telling themselves the lie of it's too late for me to change. He's a middle-aged man stuck in a life that he feels is unfulfilling, but through the course of the movie, he challenges his lie and begins to make changes again.

[00:05:56] A great film. Very there's some tragic things that happen in it. [00:06:00] But Lester starts to challenge those ideas and he starts to actually make changes in his life. That leads to him finding fulfillment. And more peace in his existence. Again, if you haven't seen that, I recommend it because it's quite the Turner. It's quite the choice there at the end. It's a good movie. So good example though of it's too late for me to change. And then finally, it's too dangerous in the world.

[00:06:23] Marlin from finding Nemo. Marlin. Nemo's over-protective father. Tells them that it's too dangerous for Nimo to explore the world. This is a form of self-deception that stems from his fear and past trauma. Over the course of the movie. Marlon learns to confront this lie and trust in Nemo's ability. And that's what actually ends up allowing them to do certain things is Marlin finally learning to trust his son. And this is another example of how fear can re it can really lead our lives and run our lives.

[00:06:54] And ultimately lead to ruin if we're not careful. So those are some fun movie [00:07:00] examples, I think to illustrate those ideas. If you haven't seen the movies, I would suggest I would recommend you go check them out. What we're going to look at now. How self-deception can limit personal growth. It can damage relationships and it can negatively affect our mental health.

[00:07:15] And I think a way a lot of this is. Is when we tell ourselves these common lies. We don't allow for change. And it takes away our opportunity to grow. It also is going to impact the people around us. So it's going to have an impact on our relationships, whether that's our kids, our partners and spouses.

[00:07:36] The work relationships that we develop. When we're not honest with ourselves and we're leading dishonest lives, even though it may not be intentional. And this is the key thing is we want to look for areas and look for those. Those common lies that we may be telling ourselves. In our life that are impacting this because ultimately all this leads to a negative effect on our [00:08:00] mental health. Any of those lies that I covered a second ago will lead to an impact, a negative impact on our mental health.

[00:08:06] So to overcome those things, we have to first recognize them. But we have to realize. That this is limiting our growth, limiting our potential, our capacity to reach our potential and stopping us from.

[00:08:22] Living. Fulfilled lives that are rich with meaning. And purpose. And so by doing this. My understanding. That. If we're telling ourselves these common lies. We're not going to enable ourselves to grow. So it starts with recognition, but understanding that by doing so. We're not going to reach our potential. And it's very tough sometimes to be honest with ourselves, to uncover that deception. That's why I'm looking at some of the common things, but there may be other ones do that are impacting your life.

[00:08:57] That you can think about. [00:09:00] Whether it's related to your worth. Whether it's related to your abilities, like it could be I'm stupid and I can't learn, or I don't have potential or I don't have the skills necessary. It could be a lot of things like it could be related to your public scheme. Speaking. It could be something about sales. It could be something about your desire to want to build a business, but you believe you're not capable or you don't have the skills or you don't have what it takes. There's a lot of things that we tell ourselves that are not true.

[00:09:29] And especially around growth. And developing ourselves into more fulfilled and satisfied humans. There is nothing, almost nothing that we cannot overcome. Once we recognize in our mind. That if we put the work in, in the time. We can make that change, but we have to first acknowledge where we're misleading ourselves.

[00:09:50] And self-deception is the anchor to limiting our potential. And so identifying some of these common lies and the other things that may be [00:10:00] limiting yourself can enable you to grow and push beyond stagnation and feeling unfulfilled. In your life. Aye. As an example. I was telling myself for the longest time that masculinity is wrong. It's toxic. That was a lie that I internalized.

[00:10:18] But as I got older and I got into my thirties, I come to realize that my fulfillment, that the things that I truly love to do were rooted in my masculinity. And as I uncovered that lie and I leaned into my masculine energy and I began to feel the power of it. And. Enacted enable it in my life.

[00:10:37] I became a more grounded, happy fulfilled. And powerful person. In my being. Because I was deceiving myself and saying that my masculinity is toxic. It's not good. That's not true. Masculinity becomes toxic when we don't honor it, when we don't honor our feminine as well, when we're out of balance.

[00:10:59] When we [00:11:00] lose balance, things become toxic, but masculinity in and of itself is not toxic. So that was the lie that I had internalized. And I was telling myself that I had to learn to overcome and doing so unlocked me. And I've never been the same since. It's changed the entire direction of my life and the things that I do now in the way that I live.

[00:11:20] That same potential is there for you. It's just looking at those common things and identifying them in a meaningful way.

[00:11:28] So how can we start to recognize those lies? Because we understand now the impact that it can have on our growth and our relationships. But how can we recognize it? Now. A lot of the things that I've talked about on this show. It's very common. You can use these tools to uncover a lot of things in our lives. So it's not necessarily new.

[00:11:53] But this is the process of uncovering these lies. And [00:12:00] recognizing for what they are and allowing us to change. So one of those things is going to be self-reflection. Observing ourselves, observing our mind, observing our thoughts, observing our energies, our emotions. Simply observing who we are. The power of an.

[00:12:19] Awareness and observation is insane. Simply observing things can often neutralize the power that somethings hold. So just recognizing those lies by becoming reflective of who we are by observing our minds, our internal world. Can get a, give us a read on. What may be happening? Some lies that we may be potentially telling ourselves.

[00:12:43] So the process of self-reflection and just observing our minds and our being can offer insight into those common lies. Another way. Is journaling. This is an extension of self-reflection it's actually going in and journaling. Now that could be done with [00:13:00] intentional prompts about literally asking myself what are some common lies that I may be telling myself and allowing us to work through that process. Considering some of those things, working through our thoughts, working through our feelings.

[00:13:12] As we become more reflective. Thoughts and ideas come into our minds. We can start journaling about it to gain clarity. Journaling is a very powerful process to gain clarity on ourselves and the world that we're a part of. So by becoming more self-reflective and then layering in a journaling practice, it could be a very simple thing.

[00:13:33] Done once a day. Where we reflect on our day. The way things went, some common things that happens, some challenges that we had, but exploring those thoughts and feelings that come up in our self reflection, we can go much deeper in journaling and understanding ourselves at a root level. This can help us uncover those lies.

[00:13:54] And then finally seeking honest feedback from trusted individuals that can be a therapist, a coach, or simply good friends and [00:14:00] family people that you honestly trust. And believe would give you true feedback. That's a great way. To gain insight into ourselves. But this is not just the lies that we tell ourselves either. And that's a great way to gain insight into our strengths, our power, our gifts. Sometimes we're just as unaware of that as we are the lies that we tell ourselves.

[00:14:19] So having trusted individuals in our lives that we can lean into and get feedback from can be a very powerful process for us to help uncover.

[00:14:29] Some of these lies that we're telling ourselves, it just, you need to make sure that you trust them. And they're going to be honest with you about it because ultimately that's key to this process. So if you have someone in your life or some people in your life that you trust with a deep regard, they may be great person to go to.

[00:14:46] And uncover some of these limits in our minds.

[00:14:50] So as you all can tell, and I've talked about this a ton on my show. It's super important to develop. Self-awareness self-awareness is the [00:15:00] key. Ability. That enables us to go from where we are and turn ourselves into something more. And in the highest version of ourselves that we envision. Without self-awareness, it's very difficult to achieve the goals that we have to improve upon ourselves and reach the level of fulfillment that many of us desire.

[00:15:20] So self-awareness is a key skill to all of this. And it's a skill that can be developed bit by bit, day by day brick by brick. We build. So we do the same thing with ourselves. Just a little bit at a time, just starting a small practice, just becoming aware. Watching ourselves, watching our mind, watching our emotions.

[00:15:41] Seeing how we are in moments, seeing how we respond, looking at ourselves when we're stressed out, when we're feeling negative emotions. That's a great time to observe ourselves to get a sense of why is this happening? Where's this coming from? How could this be? Deceiving me and my [00:16:00] life, the things that are happening in my mind right now.

[00:16:02] So that self awareness practice is very powerful, which ties into. Learning. About our emotional emotions, developing emotional intelligence. So that we can recognize and confront that self-deception because what we'll find is once we start to recognize those lies, We can start to challenge them because they're not true. And they may have been true at one point.

[00:16:27] Like a lot of times, what happens is we in. We internalize these lies as children. That may come from our community, from our parents, from whatever. And they may be true at one point, but as we become adults, those things are no longer true often. And so we, by recognizing them and realizing them and calling them out, challenging those things, we can start to dismantle the power that they hold over us in our lives.

[00:16:53] Which leads us into the. Final section here before we conclude the episode. [00:17:00] Which is overcoming the lies we tell ourselves. Which is what this is about. And I'm going to talk about three strategies specifically that we can do this. And the first one is going to be challenging. The negative self-talk.

[00:17:12] And we do that by questioning the validity of self-defeating thoughts and reframing them with positive affirmations. Or changing. Those statements. So as an example, I'm too old to change. Actually, that's not true. And we. Neuroscience has shown us that that's not true. The brain is incredibly flexible and plastic. So it's moldable. So no matter our age, we can change. We can grow, we can evolve.

[00:17:43] So understanding that we're not defeating lies with more lies. We're looking at ways to identify real deception that can be countered with a reframe like that. So with the reframe [00:18:00] of, I'm not old enough to change, I can change. I can say that with confidence because neuroscience has shown us. Our brains are plastic.

[00:18:09] There isn't a peak point for our minds. We literally can grow. All through life. Our minds are hungry for change and growth. That's what they want. So understanding that we can challenge that those lies that we're telling ourselves. By challenging the negative self-talk and then reframing it. With the positive or if it's, I'm not good enough.

[00:18:31] Actually, that's not true. Says who. He says who you're not good enough, even if that's coming from our parents. Our parents are not gods. They are not the truth. Deciders. We are that. And so we get the chance to say, you know what? No, I am good enough. I have value. I have love within my heart. I am a created being. I exist within the universe. I have a right to exist. I have a right to be, as I am. [00:19:00]

[00:19:00] So we can start to challenge those concepts when we uncover them and counter them. With reframes. That are positioned differently away from those lies that we're telling ourselves. And we can do that with everything. We can identify those lies and then we can work to reframe them in a positive way, again, not deceiving ourselves, but being genuine about it, thinking through it and then challenging and, and saying, you know what? No, that's not true. This is what it is.

[00:19:29] And every time we encountered that lie, we say up, Nope. There's that line again, it's trying to deceive me, I'm going to do this and said, this is actually what it is. And we do that. That's the process bit by bit, day by day. A moment by moment. We identify it. We challenge it. We call it out and we reframe it.

[00:19:49] So that process can be done with all of those lies that we uncover. And we worked through it by reframing it in a positive way.

[00:19:58] [00:20:00] The next one. Seeking professional help therapy or coaching to uncover and address the root cause of self-deception. This is a very powerful way to do it because it's hard to do. Sometimes it's very hard to do this stuff on our own. I know that. That's why I try to offer as much value as I can on these shows to give you as much direction as possible to give you specifics that you can do. But if you are struggling,

[00:20:22] A great way to get through some of this stuff is to get some professional help that therapy or coaching, because someone can objectively observe you. I was trained in these things to see patterns and help you uncover them. And then they can help you challenge that negative self-talk and then they can help you reframe those things.

[00:20:39] Because of their experience because of their knowledge, they can show you. Another way that says actually, no. Remember, that's not true. Remember what we talked about in our session earlier? This is actually true. So anchor into that truth challenge that lie and anchor into the truth that we discussed.

[00:20:57] So leaning into professional help [00:21:00] therapy or coaching can be an incredible way to really amplify your progress and uncover that deception.

[00:21:07] Another way is cultivating self compassion. This is the third way. Then I'm going to talk about in today's show. And that's treating ourselves with kindness and understanding. Recognizing that everyone has flaws and that all of us make mistakes. No one is perfect. No one. The only perfect being that I know of is Christ.

[00:21:29] And that's just my perspective. You may not, you don't have to agree with that. But the reality is no, one's perfect. We all have flaws. All of us make mistakes. That's being human. This idea that we have to be perfect or we don't make mistakes, or we have to put up these fronts, the whole fake it until you make it thing.

[00:21:46] That's very counter to self-compassion because we're actually deceiving ourselves. And we're not being loving towards who we are. And that comes from being kind and understanding. And recognizing all of [00:22:00] us struggle. All of us have these challenges. So know that embrace that lean into that. Recognizing that everyone makes mistakes, everyone gets things wrong. All of us are learning. That's part of the growth process. Once you understand how growth works and how the growth mindset functions.

[00:22:17] Mistakes become things to celebrate because they're opportunities to learn. This is how we evolve. As we look at the mistake and we got all, you know what? I did that, that way. I was wrong right there. So next time I'm going to adjust that. I'm going to learn from that. And when I do it differently,

[00:22:32] And then we iterate every time and we keep doing that over and over and over and over again. You can apply this to business. You can apply this relationships. You can apply this to create a process. This is how we get better. But it all comes from. Self-compassion and we can develop that compassion by recognizing first and foremost, that all of us are flawed.

[00:22:52] No one is without flaw. And if anyone's trying to tell you otherwise it's a lie, that's a lie. The lie is that people are [00:23:00] flawless is nonsense. So we lean into self compassion. By being honest with ourselves about the flaws and mistakes that all of us inevitably make. This is how we grow. This is how we get better.

[00:23:13] And for me as an example, I learned a lot about this in the inner bonding process, which is self parenting. And I had to rewire and learn how to be compassionate to myself, to learn how to be sensitive, to learn how to be considerate and kind. And I uncovered that through the inner bonding process. Thank you, Dr. Margaret Paul.

[00:23:32] For sharing these things, these ideas and how the core component of this. Was developing and cultivating self compassion. Having love for myself. Empathizing with my child. That went through the part of me that went through all the things in childhood that was hurt, that was struggling. All the pain that I felt having compassion for myself as a child.

[00:23:55] Reaching back to myself as a kid and saying, you know what, man, this is. [00:24:00] That was really hard. You had a ton of challenges that you had to overcome as a kid, man, it's crazy that you were able to do that. And really thinking, talking to myself. As if I was a loving parent, I had to learn to do that. And that was all possible because of compassion.

[00:24:16] And we do that slowly and surely, uh, bit by bit, but we do it in little ways in our lives. And it first starts with recognizing our feelings, the pain that we've experienced, the challenges that we've been through, the hardships that we've had by not undermining those things. I see so much of people.

[00:24:36] Undermining their drug, their troubles, their traumas, their struggles, their challenges.

[00:24:43] As if it's there, they're minimizing it. And that's not compassionate towards ourselves. That's dismissive of our feelings of our needs. And we counter that by recognizing the things that we've gone through. And we're honest about it and we show love to ourselves and we slowly rebuild. You're going to mess up. [00:25:00] You're going to make mistakes. You're going to be mean to yourself. You're going to dismiss your feelings.

[00:25:04] That's okay. Recognize it. Restart and try again, that's the game. As long as you do it again and you restart and you try again. Compassion will eventually overtake your life. And it will be the norm. And you'll forget what it was like before to do those things. That's a powerful place to be. It's a very, very powerful place to be. And you can get there.

[00:25:31] I know I've done it. I've seen the changes happened in my friends in my life when they start applying this types of practices. And they start applying these things to this compassion. This self-compassion, this self-acceptance. This is the key to all that. This is how we overcome the lies. That we tell ourselves.

[00:25:50] So I really hope you all enjoyed this episode. I'm doing my best to keep them under 30 minutes. Again, I want to make sure that they're digestible and usable and you can take action off of them. [00:26:00] So I'm trying to reduce my wordiness as well. So remember the key components of this week's episode.

[00:26:06] Learn to recognize the common lies that we tell ourselves. We can lead with compassion to uncover these things. It's okay to get help. If we need some support, we can leverage self-reflection journaling and trusted friends to give us insight into things that we may be struggling with. And ultimately at the end of the day,

[00:26:26] All of us are flawed. No, one's perfect. We're going to make mistakes. That's completely okay. That's human. Embrace it, it's a beautiful thing. That's what allows us to grow and change and learn. That is an incredible privilege. One that we should all celebrate and feel good about and be happy to have the chance to do that's the opportunity that earth has given us. That's the opportunity that our creators given us.

[00:26:50] And that's what we're all doing here is learning how to grow and be better and evolve.

[00:26:55] So with that being said, y'all, you can do this, you got [00:27:00] this, you can identify those patterns of self-deception. You can overcome them with love and compassion and you can lead a life that is more authentic and fulfilling. It's possible. It's in you. It's there. You just got to do it bit by bit, day by day.

[00:27:16] So with that being said, that's the end of the episode. As I was saying at the top of the show, I love to hear from me. If you have any feedback, if you have any ideas or questions or suggestions for future episodes, I'm totally open to it. You can reach me at Brandon Lee ward on Twitter. I'm on LinkedIn as Brandon L. Ward.

[00:27:38] You can hit me on my website@brandonleeward.com. So I'm accessible. Y'all. So hit me up. If you need anything I'd love to hear from you. I certainly do appreciate your time and your ears. And with that being said, Until next time y'all.

[00:27:52] Thank you for listening to Order Within. If you found the episode helpful, please consider sharing, rating and [00:28:00] subscribing. New episodes will be released every Thursday at 11:00 AM Eastern Standard time. Until next time y'all.