Podcast Transcript | Ep. 69

Unveiling the Roots of Narcissism

Unveiling the Roots of Narcissism | Ep. 69

[00:00:00] Hello, and welcome to Order Within, navigating a world of endless chaos and crisis. Many of us are experiencing inner turmoil, insecurity, anxiety, fears, and isolation. These feelings are only being amplified by new cycles social media, and never ending political madness. How do we find our way out of the chaos?

[00:00:24] How do we find strength within ourselves? How do we find meaning in a world driven by materialism? These questions and many more I aim to answer on the show. My goal is to be a trusted guide on your journey to selfhood. May you find what you seek.

[00:00:44] Hello and welcome everyone. I'm your host, Brandon Ward. Back with another episode of order within. Episode number 69. Unveiling the roots of [00:01:00] narcissism.

[00:01:01] Narcissism. Is a very prominent tenant of our culture today. It's very prominent in individuals. I've already done an episode. Episode 61. On managing narcissism in our life and our relationships, how it impacts us. And the culture that we're a part of and how there's a ton of narcissistic components to our culture and society now.

[00:01:27] This episode is going to dive deeper into the roots and causes of narcissism. We're going to be leaning into the perspective of Dr. Alexander Lowen. A medical doctor and psychiatrist, he passed away in 2008, but he has a large.

[00:01:44] Breadth of work. Related to the body movement and how we carry a lot of that pain, emotional wounds, all those things in our body. So we're going to be going through that today. And. One of the big things that [00:02:00] we talked about in the last episode. Episode 61. Around narcissism. It's just the impact that it has on our personal development and relationships, how much it can limit that how fragile we can become when we are in narcissistic tendencies. Now all of us have these tendencies to some level are not right. The challenge is when it gets into unhealthy destructive.

[00:02:22] Patterns. That it becomes problematic for both ourselves and the people in our communities. These are things that we always have to be mindful of. There were points in my life when I was very narcissistic. I didn't realize it at the time, but as I've learned more about what narcissism is, I've come to realize that I was very narcissistic at points in my life.

[00:02:40] Because I was wounded. And so much of this is driven by wounds and challenges and things of that nature that if we're not careful, We can fall ourselves. Trapped by these tendencies, we can find ourselves trapped by these tendencies. And so I also want to highlight, because we talked about in episode [00:03:00] 61, a study.

[00:03:01] Done on narcissistic personalities, the narcissistic personality inventory scoring. There was an assessment from 1979 to 2006. And there's been a huge uptick in narcissistic personality traits that people are. Uh, describing themselves as, so they do these studies, these polls and ways that they don't reveal what it's about and people describe themselves and share.

[00:03:28] Components of themselves. Tra traits of themselves, attributes of themselves. And so that's how they put together. That study. And so it's been rising historically. That was in 2006. I couldn't imagine what it is now. With social media that was prior to social media. So our society and culture has become increasingly narcissistic.

[00:03:51] But the key here is diving into the roots of this. And the reason I want to do this is because one it's important that we understand how this stuff happens. [00:04:00] Because narcissistic is a narcissism is a very catchy phrase. A lot of people talk about narcissism, but. There's a lot of misconceptions around narcissism. And so we're going to talk about the narcissism and its origins, or we're going to look at Dr. Alexander Loewen's work. We're going to talk about trial, childhood trauma, narcissism. We're going to look at the role of emotional Armani. Armoring.

[00:04:23] We're gonna look at healing, narcissism through self-acceptance and then we're going to wrap the episode. So diving in here. Defining narcissism, according to Alexander Lowen. The narcissist projects, a self image that they consider grandiose perfect and superior. This self image is used as a defensive facade to hide their feelings of inferiority insecurity and unworthiness.

[00:04:48] Which they deny and repress the narcissist in essence is out of touch with their true self, including their authentic feelings and needs. That is a very different picture. Of what we're often told [00:05:00] related to narcissism. Most people, when they think of narcissists there, we think about falling in love with themselves.

[00:05:06] The story of Narcissus or he falls in love with his reflection. It's the idea that the way we're positioning narcissism in our culture is that it's a self obsessed. Ideology or it's something that happens where we get obsessed with ourselves. We love ourselves. We only care about ourselves. We only think about ourselves.

[00:05:26] But what Dr. Lowen is pointing to here. Is that it's actually the absence of the authentic self. And in that absence avoid. Is filled and that is the narcissistic tendencies. So it's the lack of love for one's true self that actually creates narcissism, not the obsession with oneself. And so the, when you think about Narcissus in that example of falling in love with his reflection,

[00:05:53] It's the idea of who he is, what they reflection of, who he is, the image of who he is that he [00:06:00] falls in love with. He's not in love with his true self who he truly is. It's falling in love with the image, the reflection of who we are. And when you think about that at a deeper level, from a spiritual perspective,

[00:06:12] We are not our bodies. We are not these personalities. We are not our names. We live these lives and then we shed these lives and we move on and expand our existence in an internal reality. So this is another component of attaching ourselves too much to earth and our earthly existence and being tied up in the human side of things.

[00:06:37] Can drown out the greater, authentic self, which is the eternal self, the self that exists outside of time, outside of space, outside of physical reality, it's the essence and connected to all that is it's the root of all existence. All of us have an authentic self. And the goal is to connect with that authentic self. [00:07:00]

[00:07:00] But now, so thinking about it a little differently than I want to get your, just your mind moving a little bit around that aspect. We want to look at the concept of healthy narcissism and its role in self-esteem and identity development. Because healthy narcissism. It's also sometimes referred to as positive narcissism.

[00:07:19] Is a concept that represents a balanced and beneficial form of self regard. Healthy narcissism involves having a realistic sense of one's abilities and potential as well as an understanding of one's worth. It's about recognizing and celebrating your strengths and achievements without losing sight of your weaknesses or the worth of others. This is the key here.

[00:07:40] I'm going to start. Where this slides into destructive narcissism is when we stop considering others, the worth, the emotions, the thoughts, the feelings of others. And we lose sight of reality related to who we are. Our actual skills are tangible skills and our weaknesses. That's why as parents. [00:08:00]

[00:08:00] Being loving and compassionate and open and honest with our children can help build stronger, authentic. Beings from the ground up. Otherwise there's so much work that has to go into this when we don't allow this space to take place. When we don't allow this process to take hold.

[00:08:18] It's the ability to take pride in what you do well to value yourself and assert yourself when necessary. While also being open to criticism and acknowledging areas for improvement. So this is healthy narcissistic components. It's ultimately self-esteem and healthy ego development. We all have an ego. All of us need an ego. It's the center with which we exist on the earth.

[00:08:41] Without the ego, we don't exist here. It's healthy ego, it's balanced ego. It's loving, accepting, compassionate ego. That's the difference. It's when we get outside of that acceptance. That we move into unhealthy spaces and become more destructive.

[00:08:59] So [00:09:00] this type of Nash, narcissism is a natural and necessary part of human development. It's what helps us as children's separate from our parents and assert our individuality. As we grow and mature, it continues to play a role in our self-concept. Driving us to stand out to Excel and to strive for success.

[00:09:18] Unlike destructive narcissism, which is characterized by grandiosity entitlement, lack of empathy and manipulative behaviors. Healthy narcissism is balanced with empathy, consideration for others and a genuine interest in others wellbeing. Very critical distinctions there. The destructive narcissist does not consider others.

[00:09:38] They don't even consider themselves. That's why they don't consider others. You can't. Not consider others when you understand and fully. Connect and love who you are because you realize that all of us have these things. It's impossible to do that, but when you're not connected to yourself, when you're disconnected from your feelings,

[00:09:58] Your inner world. [00:10:00] It's very easy to dismiss and disregard the feelings, thoughts, and individuality, and inner worlds of others as well. We're it's basically viewing the world as objects and machines. That's the danger of it.

[00:10:15] So Dr. Alexander Loewen's perspectives on the origins of narcissism. And in particular, the connection between childhood experiences and the development of narcissistic traits is really interesting. And shout out to Andrew Daniel. Who's going to be a guest on my show coming up for the new discussions component. I have a few guests lined up that I'm excited to share with you all.

[00:10:40] It's going to add a new layer to the show. It will be a monthly. Conversation. That I'll publish. In addition to the weekly solo pods, I'm excited about that, but. Andrew. And I spoke a week or so ago and he was talking to me about the work of Alexander Lowen. And I had known Alexander lone around bioenergetics enter [00:11:00] genetics. I did not realize that he had done such great work.

[00:11:02] Around narcissism. So shout out to you, Andrew.

[00:11:06] So according to lone narcissism, particularly pathological narcissism, it's often rooted in early childhood experiences, especially those involving a lack of genuine love, warmth and emotional connection from parents or primary caregivers.

[00:11:21] Low and postulated that children who received conditional love or who are primarily valued for their achievements, physical appearance or external or other external factors. May begin to develop an inflated, artificial self image to gain the approval and recognition they crave because ultimately children just want to be loved and accepted for who they are. We all do.

[00:11:43] That's what all of us desire. So when a child's true feelings needs and individuality are consents, stunningly ignored, denied, or devalued. The child may resort to creating this narcissistic self as a form of defense and survival. This ties back into the [00:12:00] work that I shared around Alice Miller. And the drama, what she called the drama of the gifted child, that is the drama of the gifted child is the neglect of the child's true feelings and needs and individuality being ignored, denied, or dismissed.

[00:12:15] This can lead to narcissism. So if we come from an environment that had components of this, all of us have to manage these elements of narcissism within ourselves. It's something that we have to heal through.

[00:12:27] Because in the process, what they end up doing is they repressed their true self, including their authentic emotions and desires and what you see now. And. Dr. Loh and talks about this. He passed away in 2008. So it's an important that we continue on the work that he's done because. There are so many brilliant psychiatrists, psychologists, doctors.

[00:12:47] Thought leaders. Of the 20th and 19th century, 20th and 21st century that are not given credence that I hope to bring more awareness to. There are other people that are bringing awareness to this type of work, but Alexander [00:13:00] lone is one of those people. Wilhelm rank is another person that's done an incredible as an incredible.

[00:13:06] Library of work. It's just, it's wild. The things that we know about ourselves now. So anyway, Over time. They may become self-focused they being the child raised in the neglectful dismissive type environment. Viewing others primarily in terms of how they can serve their needs and support their grandiose. Self-image because again, this grandiose self image is a projection that we use to protect ourselves.

[00:13:34] And to get the love that we need based on what our parents communicated to us, they needed for us to be loved. So that conditional. Component leads us to behaving in certain ways. Like narcissistic ways. And essence, the narcissistic self is a defensive facade that hides a deep seated sense of enact inadequacy, insecurity and unworthiness. That's why people don't have big [00:14:00] egos. They have fragile egos. That's the problem. They're not big.

[00:14:04] They're over-exaggerated because really inside they're overcompensating for the lack that they feel within. That's what I used to do. I used to have, I cared so much about what other people thought. The way I was viewed, whether people liked me or not. And I built my life around what other people thought about myself until I realized that was the mistake. That was the trap. That's why I was so miserable for so long.

[00:14:30] Because I had created a prison in myself, an isolation in myself. Many of us do this. It's not until we learn to accept and embrace who we are that we learn to love all that. We are authentically all of what we are. That's why I talk about that on the show so much, because it's crucial that we embrace what is no matter how dark and.

[00:14:50] Crazy. It may seem. We got to honor what lives inside of us. If we don't. It becomes problematic and destructive and it [00:15:00] acts out in some way. And that's, what's interesting about Dr. Logan's work is he talks about how it expresses itself in the body. And so his contributions to the field of psychology, which is what we're going to talk about right now. And bioenergetic, inner genetics.

[00:15:16] Dr. Alexander Lowen was a prominent American psychotherapist known for developing bio energetic analysis, a form of psychotherapy that combines work with the body and the mind to help individuals resolve their emotional problems and better understand themselves. His approach emphasizes the importance of the body and physical movement and psychotherapeutic practices.

[00:15:38] His career took a significant turn when he discovered Wilhelm Reich's work on character analysis and orgone therapy, which led to an interest in the emerging field of bio psychotherapy. So this is back in the early 19 hundreds, right? Like 1920s and thirties. And then in. 1940 low and started studying under Reich. [00:16:00]

[00:16:00] And it was during this time that his focus shifted entirely to psychotherapy. He eventually earned a medical degree from the university of Geneva and trained in psychoanalysis at the New York medical college. Drawing upon his training and experiences low and started developing his unique approach to psychotherapy known as bioenergetic analysis.

[00:16:19] In the 1950s. This approach emphasizes the relationship between the body and the mind asserting the emotional issues are closely tied to chronic muscular tension, which he called armoring.

[00:16:32] Low and therapeutic methods involves physical exercises that aim to reduce this. Armoring helping to release repress your emotions, enhance self-awareness and improve overall wellbeing. Bioenergetic analysis is often used to address a range of emotional issues, including anxiety depressant and personality disorders like narcissism.

[00:16:55] So the core principles of bioenergy genetics. Is unity of body and [00:17:00] mind. It's based on the understanding that the body and mind are not separate entities, but interconnected aspects of a person's being changes in the body can affect the mine and vice versa. That's a mindset that we've really got to work on as a species because we see ourselves as separate and we are not, that is an illusion underlying the world of energy, which we all are, is the connection to everything around us.

[00:17:23] If we were to able to see. Into the world. Of quantum physics. We would see all these connections, but our eyes and ears and our physical senses only see so much in the world, but we are connected. So this idea that our mind and bodies are not connected the same, this idea that we are not connected to nature is harming our ability to unify and create connection within ourselves.

[00:17:47] That unity is critical. And Dr. Loan's work. Energy flow. The term bio energetics refers to the flow of biological or life energy within a person's body. Low and believe that healthy [00:18:00] functioning. Involves the unimpeded flow of this energy while emotional disorders are related to disturbances in this flow. So blockages.

[00:18:08] When the energy is not flowing through our body, we are experiencing blockages, which are often tied up into our emotions and that creates problems in our lives.

[00:18:16] Armoring. Bioenergetics introduced to the concept of our ring to represent chronic muscle tension that serves as a defense mechanism to contain emotional conflicts, traumas, or repressed emotions. Lo and believe that this armoring could be physical manifesting in the body's posture and psychological influencing the individual's emotional responses.

[00:18:40] Release of tension through physical expression. Bioenergy genetic analysis involves specific physical exercises designed to release muscular tension breakdown armoring and promote the free flow of energy in the body. This release can also lead to the expression of suppressed emotions [00:19:00] and allowing individuals to process and to resolve these emotions.

[00:19:02] So that's that was armoring and then leading into the release of tension through physical expression is how you can go about breaking down. This energetic blocks for me personally, I went through an exercise where I was writing about some painful childhood experiences that I had gone through. I was communicating.

[00:19:23] I was actually typing. And I was allowing myself to envision my parents and I love my parents. I can't say this enough. I love my parents. I, when I was younger, I blame them for a lot of things that weren't fair. As I've gotten older, I've come to realize just they did the best they could. And they truly love us for as to the best of their abilities. So this isn't about harboring on our harping on our parents and blaming them for things. But they, we as parents, we influence our kids. It's.

[00:19:52] Impossible not to do that. Both good and bad. I'm sure that my daughter is going to have to do and deal with things as she gets older, based on the way that my [00:20:00] wife and I raised her, we're doing our best to be loving as much as we can, but it's just inevitable.

[00:20:05] But I was going through this exercise. Where I was envisioning my parents and I was writing a letter to them. And there was some crazy stuff that was coming out. I've talked about this before, really crazy stuff, like insane emotions and energy and hatred and anger and violence and all this stuff. But that process was so cathartic because it was a release of this incredibly suppressed emotions.

[00:20:26] And once we release those emotions, we can actually start to heal. And that's the beauty of the work that Dr. Lowen does is it's really related to our physical body and the movements that we can do. But the point of all this is that it's so much rooted. And our upbringing and any experiences that we have and that, that can limit our experience as individuals and can impact us well into adulthood, regardless if it was many years ago.

[00:20:50] So narcissism. According to Lowen involves a denial of the true self and the construction of a false sense of false self image. Often [00:21:00] involving significant psychological and physical armoring narcissists may hold chronic tension in their bodies, which reflects their repressed feelings of insecurity, inadequacy, or unworthiness.

[00:21:12] Now bio in your genetics focuses on the mind body connection and the impact of early life experiences on emotional and psychological development. It also places significant inf phasis on the role of early life experiences in shaping our emotional and psychological development. This is why parenting is such a responsibility.

[00:21:32] And why it's so crucial that we honor it and we realize what it is, and we do our best to lead with love and compassion as much as we can. Because it's shaping our future generations. According to Lowen. Net negative experiences or traumas in childhood can lead to the creation of this physical and psychological armoring.

[00:21:53] For instance, if a child is consistently dismissed, ignored, or criticized, they may develop chronic physical tension as a way to [00:22:00] contain and control their emotions. This can lead to longterm emotional and physical health issues. With respect to narcissism, low and suggests that narcissistic tendencies can develop as a result of early emotional wounds, such as lack of affection.

[00:22:16] Conditional love or other forms. Of emotional neglect or abuse.

[00:22:23] This can lead to the creation of a false self or narcissistic persona that hides the individual's true feelings and desires. The narcissistic traits are in essence, an armor to protect the individual from further emotional pain, because we're bearing the pain that we feel for not being loved or accepted or embraced as we are.

[00:22:42] So much of us, so many of us do this still and often it's unconscious to us who do it. We don't even realize that we're suppressing our feelings because we've. Done such a good job at shoving them down.

[00:22:57] So when we look at childhood trauma in [00:23:00] narcissistic wounds, We have to explore the role of childhood trauma neglect. And the emotional wounds in the development of the narcissistic traits. That's why this is more about the roots of narcissism in this episode, as opposed to how it can express and reflect in our society. Like episode 61 covers.

[00:23:19] Childhood trauma. Trump traumatic experiences in childhood, such as abuse or severe neglect can lead to the development of narcissistic traits. These experiences can deeply wound a child's sense of self and lead them to develop a grandiose inflated self image as a form of protection or compensation.

[00:23:36] They might learn to rely excessively on external validation and achievement to feel good about themselves and keep tan to keep their vulnerability hidden. Personally. Coming out of the positive intelligence training program. I learned that one of my top saboteurs was the hyper achiever. This was a way for me and many of us too.

[00:23:59] [00:24:00] Hide the vulnerability that I felt and feel right as adults. So hyper achieving can be a way to cover up the internal. Vulnerability that we feel. Neglect. Emotional neglect where a child's emotional needs are consistently ignored, minimized, or invalidated can also contribute to narcissism. When children feel consistently unseen, unheard or unvalued.

[00:24:27] They may learn to inflate their importance, craving attention, and admiration from others to fill the void left by their neglect. And this often comes from. Doing destructive behaviors to get the attention that we need. As an example, if we need attention, we can create fights to get people, to pay attention to us as a means to get the attention that we're seeking, but doing it in a destructive way, as opposed to loving and feeling acceptance within ourselves.

[00:24:54] We create drama in our lives to give us the attention that we need though. It's negative attention. [00:25:00] Any attention to a child who is neglected is better than none. So often. They act out. And to get the attention that they need. But it's not good loving attention. And that cycle creates or I'm sorry. Repeats.

[00:25:15] It repeats on and on and on. And it goes on into adulthood and they just find new ways to express that story. We do this a lot.

[00:25:23] Conditional love. If love and affection are given conditionally based on achievements or behaviors that pleased the parent children might learn to equate their worth with their achievements. They might develop a false self that seeks constant admiration and validation. Masking feelings of inadequacy or worthlessness. Conditional love is very destructive because it leads us to believe that we will only be loved when we do X or when we perform X or Y.

[00:25:51] That was a very similar situation in my life. I know a lot of friends and family that grew up similarly, where they were. The love was very [00:26:00] conditional. Their parents were loving it when they did well in score, they performed well in sports, but when they didn't do good in school, where they didn't perform at the level they wanted.

[00:26:07] There was shame. There was ostracization, there was silence, silent treatment. There was all these things. Isolation. That's the component of conditional love. So as parents and as individuals, it's our job to be unconditional that starts with us. We have to unconditionally love ourselves as much as we can. That's why embracing all the, we are as the antithesis to this.

[00:26:32] And then the last piece is the lack of empathetic mirroring. Children need parents. To reflect back to them a realistic but positive image of themselves, including affirmation of their feelings and experiences. If parents are unable or unwilling to provide this empathetic mirroring children may develop an inflated or devalued sense of self leading to narcissistic tendencies. This happens a lot as well. That's why as leaders in our homes, parents must lead by [00:27:00] example.

[00:27:00] We must show empathy. We must develop empathy in our lives and we must apply it in our life everywhere. Otherwise they can't learn. We have to honor. Our child's feelings and thoughts. That doesn't mean that they're right, if they're behaving. Agree justly. We can honor their feelings. Without saying it's okay to do that. It's if you're upset, we know you're upset. It's okay to be upset, but that's not going to change the outcome. You're allowed to be upset, but we're still drawing boundaries. That's honoring a child's feelings, but being strong in what we're doing.

[00:27:35] The difference is caving and that's where emotional manipulation can come in when we're not steady and stern with our boundaries. Which can ultimately lead to narcissistic tendencies later in life.

[00:27:48] So these unmet emotional needs during childhood. Can lead to. Compensatory narcissistic behaviors. So trying to fit, trying to fill that inner void that was created [00:28:00] in childhood that's carried on into adulthood.

[00:28:03] Can continue to do that into can lead to narcissistic behaviors. So narcissism can be seen as a defense mechanism. As we've mentioned a few times an attempt to protect oneself from the pain of these early emotional wounds. The narcissist constructs, a grandiose self image to hide their vulnerability and gain the love, admiration or validation they craved.

[00:28:25] But did not receive in their formative years. That's also why image is everything you're projecting an image. So you can't be seen as weak, as silly as vulnerable any of those things. So admitting you're wrong, admitting mistakes, recognizing that you don't know everything. Those can be narcissistic armors that we carry around us that enable that block us from progressing from healing, from moving forward. Look at our society.

[00:28:53] That is everywhere. This is the work we have to do.

[00:28:59] [00:29:00] So now I want to talk more about the role of emotional armoring and body language.

[00:29:05] So the concept of emotional armoring and how it manifests in both body language and psychological defenses. This defense of strategy often leads to problems in the narcissist relationship and emotional health. Their need for constant validation can become exploitive or manipulative and their lack of empathy can hurt those around them.

[00:29:24] Now, I was like that. I was deeply insecure needing validation, and I would use women and dating partners as validation for that. It created a string of bad relationship. Ships. Because I wasn't honest with myself. And I didn't see it. So I've done this. We can become manipulative. That's the component of the nice guy that I did an episode on is the nice guy is not being honest and honorable and authentic in his feelings and what they desire. So they're hiding their true feelings. That is the manipulative component that can emerge.

[00:29:57] From this type of behavior.

[00:29:59] [00:30:00] Because their self esteem and the way we do this, our self-esteem is based on the inflated. Self-image rather than a genuine acceptance of our whole self. We may be extremely sensitive to criticism and prone to feelings of emptiness or worthlessness. Emptiness and isolation were huge for me when I was deeply in my wounded state. That was a huge component of it.

[00:30:23] But also being sensitive to any kind of criticism or feedback is another example of someone that's most likely wounded. That's why, when we say big ego, really they're sensitive egos, they're wounded egos. That's why they're so sensitive to any kind of criticism or feedback. Because their whole identity is based on this fragile social self that's been projected.

[00:30:46] Low and posited that emotional armoring is a somatic process where the body. Through chronic muscular tension holds the trauma, preventing emotional pain from surfacing into conscious areas. This armoring can be [00:31:00] seen as a physical manifestation of psychological defenses. So literally the body is trapping the emotional pain in our body and holding it so that it doesn't rise to the conscious level. That's what he's saying. That's the.

[00:31:13] Theory that Dr. Lone has created around his bioenergy genetics work. That's pretty incredible. When you think about it. That all of us have a lot of this tension and these things in our bodies that we may be carrying around. We just recognize it as tension. It's never. Rarely dawns on us that there's roots to these things and that this could be actually coming from things that happened to us when we were young.

[00:31:36] And when we were children.

[00:31:38] So emotional armoring is linked to the suppression of emotions. And the development of narcissistic personas. Emotional army is believed to develop as a response to adverse situations or environments often originating in childhood. If a child experiences, emotional pain, such as neglect, abuse, or chronic invalidation.

[00:31:57] They may unconsciously develop [00:32:00] physical tension to lock these painful emotions in the body and avoid feeling them. This can include tightening in the muscles, restrictive breathing patterns or a rigid posture.

[00:32:11] Loan observed that this armoring is not limited to physical manifestations either, but also extends to psychological defenses. For example, individuals might develop behaviors, attitudes, or thought patterns that help them avoid painful emotions or memories. This can include denial, repression and delay actualization, or the projection of feelings onto others. It's basically all these different ways that we avoid feeling the things that are living inside of us.

[00:32:39] Our honest feelings, most likely and most common. The deep, painful feelings that we're trying to avoid.

[00:32:46] So the interesting thing about Dr loan's work is it's the body oriented therapeutic approach. And it can help individuals. Release. Emotional armoring and healing from that. [00:33:00] Some ways it can do that. It can create body awareness. The first step in bioenergetics is helping the individual develop greater awareness of their body.

[00:33:08] Including postural patterns, muscle tension, and their overall physical presence. This might involve a therapist guiding an individual to pay attention to their body in a mindful way. Observing any sensations, tensions, or. Discovered, they may feel awareness, as I've said many times on the show.

[00:33:24] As where it all begins. So starting to become aware of your body. Is the perfect place to start. From there, we can move in to physical exercises. Bioenergetics use utilize a specific physical. Exercises designed to release chronic muscular tension. These exercises can include deep breathing, stretching, grounding exercises, and movement sequences.

[00:33:48] The aim of these exercises to release the armor of muscular tension, promoting greater energy flow and freedom of movement in the body. This is why things like Pilates. Yoga and combining the meditative [00:34:00] practice and mindfulness can be so empowering and healing for people because they're releasing all that emotional tension.

[00:34:05] That's also why people can have emotional outburst. And classes like that because they're releasing pent up tension and energy. That's been in their body for potentially years. And that comes to the emotional release. As the body's chronic tensions begin to release. Suppressed emotions. Often surface individuals may experience a range of emotions during or after the exercise, including grief, anger, fear, or even joy.

[00:34:32] This emotional release is a crucial part of the healing process is it allows individuals to confront and process emotions. They've held back for a long time and that's key is allowing them to flow. And move through our life and our body so that we can experience them and process them and allow them to flow.

[00:34:49] There's a psychotherapeutic dialogue as well. That can happen. If you go this path. Alongside the physical exercises. [00:35:00] Bioenergentics also involves traditional psychotherapeutic techniques as emotion surface that therapists can help the individual understand and process these feelings in a healthy way.

[00:35:09] They might discuss the individual's past experiences, their current behaviors or their feelings towards themselves and others. And then finally. The last piece is integration. Over time. The goal of bioenergetics is to help individuals integrate their physical and emotional experiences leading to greater self-awareness authenticity and emotional health.

[00:35:32] As they release their emotional armoring individuals may find that they can express themselves more freely, relate to others in a more genuine way. And feel a greater sense of inner peace and self-acceptance. So that's possible. By leaning into.

[00:35:49] Some of some of these exercises, this approach of buyer enter genetics, which is very physical based and combining. Traditional therapeutics with it. So think about those [00:36:00] things, consider it. If you're struggling with some of these things that may be a great path to explore. But the last section of the show here that we're gonna talk about as healing, narcissism through self-awareness and vulnerability.

[00:36:10] It's super important. As I've talked about many times self-awareness and introspection. And healing these tendencies. Self-awareness is the understanding of one's own emotions, thoughts and actions. And it's critical for anyone looking to change harmful patterns. For individuals exhibiting narcissistic tendencies. This may involve recognizing behaviors that manipulate or hurt others, or that perpetuate a grandiose self image.

[00:36:34] By becoming more self-aware we can start to see the root causes of our actions and feelings and begin to address them. So it all starts with self-awareness. The next piece. Is introspection. Beyond self-awareness introspection involves a deeper, more thoughtful examination of one's thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.

[00:36:53] It's about looking inward and honestly assessing one's internal world. Introspection can help individuals with narcissistic [00:37:00] tendencies to confront the painful emotions and experiences they've been avoiding. So you're really. Beginning to become aware and then leaning into it, observing them. Spending time with them to understand.

[00:37:12] All of what's living within us.

[00:37:15] Now embracing vulnerability and authentic expression can help individuals cultivate health, their self-esteem and relationships. By embracing vulnerability. Involves admitting and expressing one's true feelings, including fear, sadness, or feelings of inadequacy, rather than hiding behind a false persona.

[00:37:35] It's it is about taking off the armor and letting oneself be seen as they truly are warts. And all this step can be a challenge for those with narcissistic tendencies, as a counters, their habitual patterns of self protection and avoidance of emotional pain. This is something that all of us have to be mindful of and can struggle with.

[00:37:54] Because it's easy to project an image of strength. And having everything [00:38:00] together. But when we do that, when we're not feeling that way inside, that's a lie that we're living in. There's a cost to that. And often that cost is our own personal fulfillment, happiness, and sense of wellbeing. So embracing vulnerability is key there.

[00:38:15] And then allowing authentic expression. Which means conveying one's true. Thoughts, feelings, and desires. Without fear of judgment or rejection. It involves living authentically acting in accordance with one's genuine self, rather than a construction, grandiose self image. This can improve relationships as it fosters to greater understanding, empathy and connection between individuals.

[00:38:37] Authentic expression is what it's all about. Y'all. That's the name of the game. At the end of the day, we're here to authentically express who we are and live true to who we are. Now there's some practical strategies inspired by Dr. Loan's work that can promote emotional healing and foster genuine connections. Bioenergetics.

[00:38:56] Exercises as mentioned, these physical exercises can [00:39:00] help release emotional tension, promote self-awareness and facilitate emotional healing. He has books available. I'm sure that there are YouTube. Channels that offer. Direction on these emotions, these exercises, and there are therapists that have studied under Dr. Loan. So you can find a therapist that integrates bioenergetics into their work as well.

[00:39:19] Mindful presence. This involves being fully present in the moment, pay attention to one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations without judgment. It can help individuals stay connected to their authentic self and respond more genuinely in their interactions with. With others. So just being present and mindful where you are now of all that is in the moment right now.

[00:39:41] There are pubic support. Getting the heat help of a trained psychotherapist or counsel can be very beneficial. They can guide you through a healing process, help you with tools and strategies and offer you support and a safe space. And then finally, which truthfully is my favorite. Thing, which is [00:40:00] self-compassion practice.

[00:40:01] Being kind and understanding towards oneself when confronting painful emotions or mistakes can help reduce feelings of inadequacy. And promote healthier self-esteem instead of being critical and harsh towards yourself, being loving and understanding and compassionate being patient. This takes practice. That's why it's called self-compassion practice.

[00:40:22] But it's very possible and it can be the most freeing and power empowering piece that we can do in our lives is being loving, honorable, compassionate, and soft towards who we are. All that we are, especially those hard, deep, challenging emotions. Honoring that in all the we are and offering compassion to ourselves can is life-changing. Y'all.

[00:40:43] This process changed my life because through the inner bonding process, which is effectively. Learning to parent yourself. All it's doing is establishing a healthy, loving relationship with yourself. It's recognizing that you can do that. Now you can lean in and be a loving person now, and you don't [00:41:00] need to depend on anyone else.

[00:41:02] That's a life changing perspective for a lot of us and it changed my life. And I hope that. For those of you out there looking for tools and strategies and different. Applications to use in your life. I hope you give it a shot and try it and see what it can do for you or some of these other things, because ultimately you got to find what works for you.

[00:41:20] What works for me, doesn't work for everyone and vice versa. Our journey of self discovery and self connection is. Authentic to us and we've got to walk the path. That's why trusting ourselves and following through is critical. The living a healthy and whole life. So to wrap the episode real quick. Y'all.

[00:41:39] A lot of this emotional. That these emotions that we carry in our life can be stored in our body and they can reflect and tension. And posture and the way we carry ourselves and they can also reflect in our emotional reactions, the outbursts that we have. But this all draws from the roots of [00:42:00] lack, basically not being accepted and loved as we are for all that. We are.

[00:42:05] By doing that by recognizing that the roots of narcissism are built around the component of not being accepted and loved fully and authentically for who we are, we can have more empathy around others as well. When we see that people are struggling with these things and they may be narcissistic, they may be caught up in the narcissistic wounds.

[00:42:22] It's not because they're mean bad people. It's not because they're trying to be cruel. They're just caught in the wounds, the cycle of wounding that they've never healed from. And they're hiding from themselves. They themselves are deeply wounded and hiding from who they truly are too. So if they're out criticizing and lashing out at other people,

[00:42:41] You could only imagine what they're doing to themselves. I can promise you it's so much worse for most people. So it's a way to lean into empathy and understanding this, but recognizing that. What happens in our childhood matters, and we have to understand those things. And if we don't realize that if we don't make that connection, if we don't start honoring ourselves,

[00:42:58] It's a cycle that never [00:43:00] gets broken and we just pass it on to our kids. And they do the same thing. So recognizing the cycle reveal, understanding what it is and getting to the roots of narcissism can allow us to heal and move forward as whole amazing beings that we always have been. Because narcissism is built on an image that's covering up what truly is because what lives within all of us is the spark and seed of creation. And that is the most wonderful and glorious thing.

[00:43:27] And blessing and privilege. All of us have access to it. We just got to lean into it and say, yes. So with that being said, y'all, that's all I got for today's episode. We're going to be rolling out some new episodes, as I'd mentioned around conversations, which I'm really excited about some discussions there. I also launched a business brokering practice. So if you or anyone, you know, would like to get a sense of what their business may be worth, or if they're looking to sell their business, hit me up.

[00:43:53] You can get me at Brandon Lee ward on Twitter. I'm at Brandon L. Ward on LinkedIn. And my website is [00:44:00] Brandon Lee, ward.com. So with that being said, and too next time, you know,

[00:44:05] Thank you for listening to Order Within. If you found the episode helpful, please consider sharing, rating, and subscribing. New episodes will be released every Thursday at 11am Eastern Standard Time. Until next time, y'all.